Four Eyes and a Buffoon
by Lord Nayrael
Summary: Uzumaki Bolt is graduating from the ninja Academy, but he has no idea how messy the day would become... and that he would make a dangerous enemy due to a small accident...


**Foreword: **A parody of ep3 and ch3 of Naruto, but with the kids in the main roles. I am sure we all want to see a certain scene happen and since I did not find anything of the sort on FF, I decided to do one myself :P Consider it a farewell gift to Naruto, the Anime that got me into the Anime&Manga world and as such is special to me

**Note:** Sorry for the lame name, I will change it when I come up with something better and more appropriate ^^;

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Bolt and Naruto own their respective Dattebayo™ and Dattebase™ catchphrases. But I am too lazy to add them into the dialogues, not to mention it sounds weird in English, so you may want to occasionally remember that they are supposed to annoy you with it ;)

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><p><strong>Four Eyes and a Buffon<strong>

"Nii-san, you are late!"

"Augh!" A boy called Uzumaki Bolt was harshly woken up when something heavy fell on him. "Himawari, just what do you think you are doing?!" A blond boy with whiskers asked his little sisters, a black-haired girl with whiskers. She was an (extremely) kind-hearted girl, but also a hyperactive one like her brother and father.

"Nii-san, you are going to be late!" Himawari reminded her brother.

"Huh?" Bolt looked at the clock on the wall and then the calendar besides it. "Oh… YOU ARE RIGHT!" Realizing what time it is, Bolt jumped out of his bed and started dressing multiple pieces of clothes at the same time.

"Go nii-san! Go nii-san!" Himawari cheered up her big brother while he was getting dressed into his black tracksuit and while he was putting his ninja weapons into his pockets. Once he was done, Himawari ran to him with a box in her hands. "Here nii-san, breakfast!"

"Ah, thank you Himawari for saving me again." He hugged his sister and then ran out his room.

"Bolt, I thought you left already." He heard his mom call to him.

"No I have not. Bye mom!"

"Nii-san, you forgot this!" His sister yelled at him again, this time from his room's window. Bolt turned around and caught what she had thrown him.

He did not have to check what it was. "Thank you again Himawari!" He shouted and went on his way, while putting his Konoha Headband on his forehead. _Today is the day when I finally become a real ninja! Just watch me you stinking old dad, I will surpass you!_

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><p>~)(~<p>

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><p>"On tiiiime!" Bolt shouted as he crashed through the window into his classroom.<p>

"Again Bolt?" One of Bolt's classmates, Shikadai, hit his forehead. "Aburame-sensei will lecture you again and we will have to sit through it. Ah, how troublesome!"

"Don't be like that, Shikadai!" Bolt hit his friend's backs. "This is the last time we are here. We should not let it get dull!"

"So troublesome." Shikadai sighed again.

"You should listen to Shikadai, Bolt." A dark-skinned large-boned girl called Chouchou joined their conversation while eating some large dango. "You only passed because the graduation exam because you begged Aburame-sensei to let you go."

"Please don't remind me, Chouchou." Bolt was on verge of tears due to remembering what went on during that exam. "But you understand that it was a cool entrance, don't you Inojin?" Bolt turned towards a boy with a blond hair and a pale skin. Like Shikadai and Chouchou, he was part of the so-called InoShikaChou trio.

"Sorry Bolt, but that stopped being cool years ago." Inojin rubbed salt on his wound. "You are a Genin now, you should be more mature… like Sarada-san there."

_Her again?_ He tried to not look at her, but his words made him turn his eyes at the black-haired girl wearing red glasses and some lady-like clothes, with her forehead protector being wrapped around her right sleeve. She just sat silently while a bunch of love-smitten boys sat in close proximity to her, but still far away to not be able to start a conversation.

Her name was Uchiha Sarada and she was all that Bolt was not: dignified, intelligent and skilled. He did not really hate her, but looking at her reminded him that he still was not the very best. _Well, she is sort of a rival I guess?_

As if she could feel that he was looking at her, she turned her eyes at him. _Well, that's rare. Now that I think about it, I don't think we ever had talked with one another… Well other than admonishing me from time to time, but everyone does that. I guess I should smile._ And so, he made a smile… a very large, awkward and insincere smile, but a smile nonetheless.

And then she just turned her head away without even acknowledging his gesture. Naturally, Bolt did not take it well. "That damn Four Eyes…"

"What did you expect she would do when you made such a face, Bolt?" Shikadai said and a vain popped on Bolt's forehead.

"Really, you should have taken the fact that she never bothered to talk to you as a sign." Inojin added and another vain popped on Bolt's forehead.

"Yeah, she is way too cool to acknowledge your existence." Chouchou added and that was a drop that spilled the glass.

So filled with determination, he started walking.

"Oi Bolt, where are you going?" He could hear Inojin say behind him.

"Did you two need to rub salt onto him?" Shikadai sighed. "Ah, this is going to get troublesome…"

"Bolt, where are you going?" One of the classmates said when Bolt passed him, and he could feel cold stares when he stood in front of Sarada. But she still did not look at him and instead read some small book.

"Hey Bolt, get away from Sarada-chan!" One of the male classmates shouted at him.

"Who do you think you are to act like that in front of the goddess, you dropout?" Another one shouted.

"Don't you even think of trying to snatch her feminine heart, you bastard!" Strangely, a girl said this one.

Similar admonishments came from half of the class, and it kinda pissed him off… as did the fact that she still pain him no attention.

So he jumped onto the table and pushed his face in front of hers. His bold action not only silenced everyone in the classroom, but also made her look at him. "Hmph." He mumbled and put on his gangster smirk.

And then she moved her head down again.

"Kora!" He last what was left of his patience. "Look at me, you Four Eyes!" He pushed his face even closer to hers. "You think you are some hot shit, do you?"

For a few moments, the class was in uproar, but everyone went silent when she closed her book and looked up at him with a look of annoyance. The fact that she acted all cool by not saying anything pissed him off.

The two of them said nothing. They just looked into one another's eyes, to such a point that sparks could almost be seen between them.

"Get away from her you dropout!" Someone shouted and threw something at him. He lost his footing and started falling.

Time stopped in the classroom when Bolt's and Sarada's lips touched. And to make it worse, due to both of them being surprised, their mouths were open when that occurred.

After his mind processed what just happened, Bolt immediately pulled himself away and fell on his backside.

"BOOOOOOOOOLT!" It took only a second for the class to go rampant.

"Now you have done it!"

"How dare you desecrate Sarada-sama?!"

"Someone evacuate all the girls before hew turns on them as well!"

"Ouch ouch ouch…" Bolt raised himself up while shouts and occasional trash was thrown at him. "It was an accident!"

"Accident my ass!"

"You male swine!"

"It was an accident!" He shouted back at them, his face red, although not from anger but rather from embarrassment due to kissing a girl. "I repeat, it was an accident, damn it!"

And then everyone went silent. _Ha, make it a bit louder and everyone will be terrified of you._ Bolt thought that he managed to persuade them that he was innocent, completely unaware of Sarada jumping onto the next raw and was now standing behind him.

_I hope mom doesn't find out about this… Himawari too, both of them would lose fate in me I am sure!_

Meanwhile, Sarada was breaking her fingers, as if preparing for a fight. The murderous intent radiating from her was obvious to everyone but the boy in front of her.

_But I am lucky that it was just the harmless Four Eyes. _

Sarada removed her glasses and green chakra radiated from her hands. What's more, Sharingan also appeared in her eyes.

_I mean that shy girl is too timid to even yell at me. If I apologize, I am certain she will just nod, forgive me and return to bookworming. She leaves the impression of an understanding girl after all!_

He may have failed in fields of hearing and feeling murderous aura, but sounds of electricity coming from behind him made him aware that something very bad was about to happen.

"**SHANNNAROOOOO!**" was the last thing he had heard before he flew through a window.

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><p>~)(~<p>

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><p>"Sasuke!" Naruto greeted a man on the streets of Konoha. "Did you come back to Konoha?"<p>

"Oh, Naruto." Sasuke turned towards the village's Hokage. "Sarada is graduating today so I took care to come to see her."

"Guessed so, I came here for the same reason to see Bolt. Hinata will also be here in a few minutes." Naruto said with a grin and turned back towards the academy's building. "This is a big day for the little ninjas ha ha! It kind of makes me nostalgic."

"Hmph, my Sarada is already a true Ninja. This graduation is just a mere farce for her." Sasuke started their traditional banter. "She can already use Sharingan and, to a small extent, Chidori which she mixes with Sakura's techniques. She is a true genius."

"Well, Bolt is a true hard-worker! He can already use Kage Bunshin!"

"Is that all?" Sasuke smirked.

"Uhhh… Ha, it took me some time to catch up to you as well. Just you wait a few years and he will come up with something that will earn him a legendary nickname!" And after he said that, they saw Bolt fly through a window at high speed. "There, _Lightning Bolt_ already mastered a high-speed technique!"

"I… don't think that this was his technique." Sasuke commented while a sweat-drop formed on his head.

"BOLT YOU COCKBLOCKER!" Konohamaru could soon be heard screaming from far away.

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><p>~)(~<p>

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><p>"Bolt, you are late." Aburame said when Bolt entered the classroom.<p>

"Sorry Aburame-sensei." Bolt said and started looking for an empty seat. Sarada's punch not only made him fly out of the classroom, but it also made him hit into Konohamaru-sensei who was about to kiss some woman. The lecturing he gave him was as painful as the punch he got.

"Sit there Bolt." Aburame pointed at an empty seat and Bolt did as he was told. And once he sat, he realized that he sat beside Chouchou… who sat beside Sarada.

_It was an accident, dattebase!_ Bolt looked at Sarada with annoyance in his eyes.

Sarada also looked at him, with the same look of disdain in her eyes. "Sexual Harasser."

"Four Eyes."

"Buffon."

"Nerd."

"Uhh…" Chouchou started feeling awkward as she sat between a boy and a girl who glared at one another with such intensity that one could almost see sparks storm between them.

"Starting today, you are all Shinobi." Aburame started speaking. "You will be all split into teams and do missions for the village under supervision of a Jounin. Most of you will be in teams of three, but due to the number of students here, one team will have only two until we find a willing Genin to join you. Anyway, the teams are made such that all would be balanced in terms of skill and…"

"A team eh?" Bolt whispered under his breath. "I wonder with whom I will end. Hehe, I hope my teammates will be some fun guys."

"Haa, it seems fun to play the guessing game." Chouchou sighed. "The team I will belong to has been determined since before I even joined the Academy."

"Well-" Bolt wanted to say something, but…

"At least you can be certain it won't be a sexual harasser." Sarada replied to her and fixed her glasses.

_What did you just say Four Eyes?!_ Bolt felt like jumping onto the table and ask her that very question, but Aburame instinctively threw a chalk at him. _Calm down Bolt, reply in a cooler manner._ "Well, look who has become talkative. I guess my plan worked after all."

Sarada did not say anything back, but sparks appeared between them again. Actually, it were more like lightning bolts than sparks…

After a few moments, Bolt and Sarada returned to listening to the teacher at the same time. "Team 7 will be the one with two members I talked about. It will consist of Uzumaki Bolt and Uchiha Sarada."

"WHAAAAAT?!" Bolt rose up and hit the table with his fist. "Why does a model ninja like me have to be teamed with this nerd?"

"The teams are balanced by their skills." Aburame looked like he expected this. "Sarada is the top student in both theoretical knowledge and practical skills. You, Bolt, are the worst student in both regards."

"In other words, you are literally there to just drag me down." Sarada said with a poker face.

"You-" Bolt started but a chalk hit his forehead.

"Sit down Bolt. We can't spend the entire day on you."

"Yes sensei…" _I will be alone with HER? Grrr… the only thing that gives me satisfaction is the fact that she is probably even more annoyed by this than I am. _While he was thinking that, Sarada fixed her glasses again and, for a mere moment, he was certain that she smiled.

"Did she just smile?" Bolt mumbled to himself. "Why would she smile?"

One of his classmates from behind him seemed to have overheard him. "She probably plans to kill you while nobody is watching."

…_damn, he might be right._ Bolt scratched his cheek and a part of him started to feel worried. After feeling the strength of her punch, he started doubting his own chances of winning in a battle against her.

And then he got excited. _Yes, this is what I always wanted: a chance to prove to everyone how amazing I am! I am sure I can defeat Four Eyes with no trouble if I try well enough!_ _Yes, this will be amazing! _He clenched his fist from excitement.

And then a thought came to his mind. He took out a pencil and a piece of paper from his pocket. _Actually, I will formally challenge her! Hmm, where should we have a fight? I know! Those cherry trees are in bloom and will offer a lot of cover for a true ninja battle!_

So after scribbling '_Meet me tomorrow morning in the park where the cherry blossoms are!_' he fondled the paper and pushed it towards Sarada.

Sarada opened the paper, read it and looked towards him with surprise visible on her face. _Ha, no doubt she is also getting excited at the prospect of fighting against a great ninja like me!_ He replied to her gaze with a large smile, a wink and by raising a thumb. _Yeah, this will be an epic battle!_

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><p>~)(~<p>

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><p>"Sarada, here here!" Sarada's mother called just after she had left the academy building.<p>

Sarada noticed that her father was also there. _Papa! Uhm… no, I must not look happy to see him._

"So you have finally become a kunoichi!" Her mother said with a large smile. "How does it-"

"Mama, boys are stupid perverts, aren't they?"

"What's that?" Her mother made the face she always did when Sarada said something like that. "Is this about Bolt again?"

"Huh?" Even her father seemed surprised. "And what does Bolt have to do with anything here. Don't tell me…"

"We have been put into the same team. He also kissed me and asked me to go on a date with him tomorrow to watch the cherry blossoms petals."

"Eh?" Her mother Sakura made an awkward face while her father Sasuke has disappeared.

"NARUTOOOOO!"

"What the hell Sasuke? You almost killed me there!"

"I have changed my mind and I am starting the revolution after all! You deserve nothing less than death for what you have created!"

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><p><strong>Author Notes: <strong>

- indeed, this was a shameless parody of ch3/ep3. But that was the point of this shortie :P

- If Kishimoto doesn't write his own Kiss scene, half of the fandom will be disappointed I am sure. Gotta follow in their parent's footsteps after all ;P

- _Lightning Bolt_… just think about it!

- I actually planned to write the scene where Bolt crashes into Konohamaru while he flirts with a girl, but decided that it would just stretch the whole thing and be too short so I just mentioned it

- I actually imagine Naruto and Sasuke continue their rivalry by continuously comparing their off-spring

- sorry for having to cop-out with the 2-men team here, but the only other classmates we know of are the new InoShikaChou and they are in their own team. So rather than make an OC or put in Lee's kid/student who would steal the spotlight, I coped out. Sue me.

- Bolt sure does (not) know his way with the ladies ;)

- Sasuke seems to be starting a revolution after all on the father of the boy who dared to kiss his princess


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